Is there something in your life that is causing you to feel upset, stressed, worried or afraid?
- Problems in your marriage or relationship?
- Financial problems?
- Family, health, business or career?
Well I'm about to share something with you that might be a bitter pill to swallow.
But it's the truth - and only by knowing the truth will you have any hope of fixing your situation.
(As the saying goes: "Know the truth, and the truth will set you free.")
You may be thinking that your "problem" is what is causing you to feel bad.
And you might also be thinking:
"If I could only solve the problem, my life will be better. And I will be happy again!"
But here is the truth:
You're not feeling bad because of your problem.
You're feeling bad because of what you think your "problem" means.
Every problem is caused by the meaning you give it
You've attached a meaning to your problem - and that is causing you to feel bad.
For instance, if you're feeling bad about your marriage, it's not because of the arguments, the lack of intimacy, the lack of communication or that you are drifting apart.
You feel bad because of what you think are the consequences of all these things:
"Our marriage will end and so:
- I'll be filled with regret
- I will think I'm a failure
- Other people will think I'm a failure
- I'll never be loved again
- My children won't develop as well as they could
- I won't know what to do without my spouse
- I'll never be happy again"
and so on..
BUT, none of these things are necessarily true!
But you think they are - and these thoughts are what is making you feel terrible.
Really think about this, and you'll realise how profoundly true it is.
Because, here's what's really going on....
When you "feel terrible" in your marriage....
You do all the wrong things:
You beg, plead, get upset, get angry, put pressure on your spouse, try to change their mind.....
And all that happens when you do these things is that you drive them further and faster away.
Changing the meaning changes your results
What if instead you thought the problems in (or end of) your marriage meant something different?
- your marriage is a learning experience for you
- no matter what happens, you will be fine and life will be great
- your children will be fine
- you're not a failure
Wouldn't you feel better?
And wouldn't you start behaving in a completely different way?
You'd be cheerful, optimistic - and much more fun to be around (including for your spouse).
And then you'd have a much greater chance of actually solving your "problem".
You're be far more likely to have your spouse want to be with you again, and work with you rather than against you in your marriage.
You're going to "perform" much better if you feel good about life, rather than moping about like a nervous wreck.
Changing the way you solve your problems
You can't make this "switch" just through positive thinking, will-power or "faking it till you make it."
You have to be genuine.
You have to know deep in your bones that your problem is good, not bad.
That's the only way it will work for you.
This is what I teach in all of my courses and coaching:
How to remove the thoughts that are making you feel and act negatively, so that you can effectively solve your problem.
It's in both of my Save Your Marriage programs and my Use Your Brain for Success course.
Put your focus on changing the way you think about your problem, rather than on fixing your problem itself.
And when you do, you'll see good things happen.
The truth is, this is the only approach that works.