The well-known motivational expert Tony Robbins talks about a concept called ‘Modelling.’ Essentially what he is saying is that if you want to be successful at something, all you do is find people who are already successful in that area and start doing what they are doing. You’re probably going to get the same (or very similar) results. It’s a good strategy, and it is very true in the area of our marriage and relationship. If you want to have a great marriage, find people who have a great marriage and figure out what they are thinking and doing. And then just think and do those things.
This is what I have focussed on in my marriage and relationship coaching and programs: what do people in great marriages think and do that the vast majority of people don’t do? What makes the small minority of marriages different from the vast majority, in which people struggling with problems and unhappiness. I’ve found that there are a few key things and one of those is what I want to talk about today.
It’s simply this. People in great marriages put their marriage FIRST. Their marriage comes before anything or anyone else in their life, including their children, their friends and other family and even their finances and their career. So if YOU want to have a great marriage – no matter where you are at the moment – then YOU need to make YOUR marriage your highest priority.
In understanding why your marriage should be the #1 priority in your life consider this: Does anything have a greater impact on the quality of your life – and your happiness – than your relationship with your spouse?
If you think about this, I’m sure you will agree that NOTHING has more impact – for better or for worse – on the way you feel and the way your life is going. You can everything else – fame, friends and fortune – but all these things will have a hollow ring if you don’t imbue them with the love that comes from sharing your life with someone else on a deep level. On the other hand, you can have very little of anything, but if you’re sharing the ‘adventure’ with a truly loving partner, then even the bad times lose something of their sting. It is love that really does make the world go round!
So let me ask you: Is YOUR marriage the #1 priority in your life? Is your relationship with your spouse more sacred to you than anything or anyone else? Does your spouse feel the same way? And furthermore, does your spouse – and the rest of the world – know that?
If you want to improve your marriage then start by seeing how you can make your marriage your highest priority. That doesn’t mean don’t do anything else or don’t be with anyone else for the rest of your life! But it DOES mean that your marriage becomes the reference point for the decisions you make in your life. If you’re still wondering whether your marriage should be your #1 priority, think of this: what are you really striving to achieve in your life? No matter what it is, in essence it really comes down to just a couple of things – happiness and security right? WITH your spouse – right? This is what EVERY married person is not only looking for – it’s why we all get married in the first place!
Don’t lose sight of why you’re doing what you’re doing in your life. You are trying to create the best life possible for yourself and the one you love most – your spouse or partner. And that’s a good thing! People in great marriages ALWAYS put their relationship first. They let the rest of the world – and each other – know that nothing can come between them. Put your marriage first and you will be amazed at how your relationship – and your life – will improve.