The truth is, to have a truly strong marriage you and your husband or wife need to be deeply aligned. To put it in the vernacular, you need to “be on the same page”. To understand why this is so important think of it like this: Imagine that the two of you are on a bike ride and you’re cycling side by side down a long road. You are enjoying the ride and the scenery, the feeling of the wind on your body, and at the same time you’re sharing thoughts and having a fun conversation with each other as you ride along. Now, this is obviously a shared journey You are traveling together and you’re both heading for the same destination. Although you are on separate bicycles, you know that if you stay together you’re going to reach the same place at the same time. Not only that, but you’re going to have enjoyed the ride all the more because you’ve shared essentially the same experience together.
But what would happen if you both set off on the same bike ride, at the same time and from the same place and intended to meet up at the same destination – but you weren’t on the same road? If one of you went off the track and down a different road, it would no longer be a shared journey. Even if you started out together and agreed before you started as to where you would both end up, there are going to be all sorts of additional problems, misunderstandings and confusions. Maybe one of you would become lost. One of you might be on a road with potholes, hills and unexpected diversions. There would be no guarantee you would both end up at the same place at the same time and if you did, you would have very different experiences and views on what the ride was like. You also wouldn’t have enjoyed the journey nearly as much – and you might have a difficult time trying to explain your experiences to the other person. Depending on your different journey, one or both of you might even become changed in some way as a person.
Marriage is very much like a bike ride. It’s a journey where you need to stick together if you want to stay together. And the way you do that is by ensuring you are both on the same ‘journey’ – always, and at the same time. Once one of you “veers off the track” then in all likelihood it’s going to create problems. Unfortunately, many couples forget to stay on the same road. They think they’re going in the right direction and are both aiming for the same place – which is of course to be happy – but they forget that the journey is the most important part.
This doesn’t mean that the two of you should be together for 24 hours a day! This is as much a mental and emotional journey as a physical one. But it DOES mean that you need to see things in largely the same way – and be in agreement with – in some specific areas.
The first of these areas is your goals. Do the both of you want the same things? Do you have shared goals? Do you support each other in individual goals? If you haven’t already, it’s important to sit down together and really talk about these things.
Secondly, you need to have similar values. This is another hugely important area to talk about and clarify. Are the same sorts of things important to you? As an example, if one of you wants to spend all your time traveling the world and the other wants to stay at home all the time you may have conflicting values. If you don’t resolve it, it can cause big problems.
The third area where you need to be closely aligned and on the same page is in your core beliefs. I’m not referring to religious or spiritual beliefs here specifically, but these can obviously be important. Do you have similar attitudes and opinions about things? Differences of opinion are healthy in as far as they help us to think, consider other points of view, and grow in our understanding. But if you and your spouse are on a ‘different page’ when it comes to fundamental issues such as bringing up the children, lifestyle, finances, health and spirituality it makes a relationship very difficult.
The truth is, the more aligned your are in your marriage the faster you can move ahead and the more you can enjoy the journey of your life. Couples who are in a great marriage share common goals, values and beliefs. It means they are not only happier and with fewer problems, but they often achieve great things together!
So my advice here is: no matter where you are in your marriage, think about and TALK about your goals, values and beliefs. Align them as much as possible. Be on the same journey, on the same road. And when you do you’ll discover what an amazing journey a marriage – and your life – really can be. Turn YOUR marriage into the only sort of marriage worth having – a GREAT one!
If you want more help in creating a great marriage, check out my 30 Day Save Your Marriage Relationship Transformation program (link). It’s not just for couples whose marriage is in trouble. It’s for anyone who wants to create the deepest possible love, intimacy and alignment in their relationship.